She is uplifting ;)

Happy Friday Fam,

If I meet one more man that asks me is my site a “male bashing” site I am gonna scream lol. Why does “women’s empowerment” automatically mean male bashing for men…it’s so silly. Why can’t it just mean women’s empowerment?

Anywho so I was inspired to write this post on How to Keep a Good Man because of a belittling conversation I heard out in public the other day. I mean I think we all either know or have met the “belittler”. The woman who talks to her man any kind of disrespectful way. The woman who usually uses a condescending tone or who will poke fun at her mans mistakes.

Ladies if you are dating a king and especially if he treats you like a queen you have to be conscious of how you treat him. I hear women complain about not having a man but when you find a good one do you know what to do to keep him. Relationships should be 100 percent…both sides should attempt to give it everything they’ve got.

So I have put together some tips based on my personal experiences, the experiences of women I know and my intuition. Most of these are based off of things I have done and some that I want to incorporate in the future.

Please let me know your thoughts or if there is something I should add or that you disagree with And if there happen to be any men reading I would LOVE to know your thoughts too.

HOW TO KEEP A “GOOD” MAN:

STEP 1: Know Thyself!

Ladies I can’t stress this enough. No one is perfect. You are not perfect. I am not perfect. Please take time to analyze yourself and your actions. Get to know you. Are you insecure about some things? If so dig deeper and try to find out why. What areas do you need growth? I am not saying that you have to stop all dating until you know yourself better because growth never stops and you will always be growing and changing. But at least if you can identify some “problem” areas then you can aim towards fixing them.

STEP 2: Give Space

Ok I know that when you are dating someone exclusively or even in the beginning you may want to talk to that person all the time and see them everyday which is totally understandable. This is cool if they feel the same way but read the person your with. Most guys are not big “phone” people. So aim towards finding a happy medium. Do not get into girlfriend clingy mode. It will either push them away or just really annoy them. Plus when you allow each other to have space he will probably appreciate that anyways and end up wanting to see you LOL

STEP 3: Don’t Sweat The Small Stuff

Ok Ladies try to remember what is really important and what is petty. No man likes a nag. Yes I said it! Do not nag your man about silly things. Someone in the hospital…serious. He wants to hang with his boys all weekend….not so serious. In every relationship, there will be some things that you won’t agree on and some habits that you won’t like. If something is really bothering you about his behavior talk, do not yell or get an attitude or do the silent treatment. Compromise and peace should be your best friends when working on a relationship. Also do not hold onto things. If stuff bothers you from the past so much that it is a constant problem then either learn to let it go or let him go and move on

STEP 4: Be Your Own Person

Be independent. You can be your own person and still be a loving affectionate wife or girlfriend. Try and have your own things going on. Take a class, join a group, but please just don’t let your every move depend or revolve around his every move.
I have seen it too many times. He likes sports so she likes sports. He likes coffee with caramel so she likes coffee with caramel. Trust me men like women who actually have a mind of their own. Not only do I personally not watch sports nor understand them but I have no interest in learning and I let people know. Who cares! Be yourself.

STEP 5: Men are from Earth, Women are from Earth!

I know as women we are always put in the super emotional category but believe it or not men have feelings too. They can get sad, depressed, super excited, etc. They are just brainwashed from a young age not to express these feelings. I guess what I am saying is try not to let your emotions get the best of you. Find a common ground because you may find out that he “feels” the same way you do about some things and the only difference may be that you are crying about it and he may just not saying anything. In the beginning of the relationship discuss how you guys will handle things when something is bothering one of you.

STEP 6: Do Nice Things

Don’t assume that doing nice things means you are subservient. Rub shoulders, cook a nice meal, send a card in the mail. If he treats you good you should also be thoughtful.

STEP 7: Tell The Truth

I think that many people speak about being honest but don’t realize on a daily basis how many little “white” lies happen. Be honest with your man. Two reasons: The first is because it is the right thing to do and second because as long as you are living “right” then if he were too ever not be living right you will be the first to know probably via instinct or hardcore proof.

STEP 8: Let him be a man!

Men do not like candles! Men do not like decorative items! Men do not like girly items! Men do not like shopping with you! They don’t like giving opinions on fashion! Do not treat your man like a girly man. Men are not that complex. When thinking of things to do for them think in terms of sports, video games (although I hate them), tickets to a sports game etc. And do not call him nicknames in public…they do not like it! Calling him “Muffin Cakes” in public is not a good look. Save it for alone time

STEP 9: Limit Gossiping

Guys do not like a gossip chatterbox. They do not like women who run their mouths about nonsense. If you think your man isn’t “listening” to you it may be a result of what you are saying. Talk about productive things, people, and places. Plus gossiping is toxic anyways and in my opinion is a sign of having some type of insecurity…hence digging deeper from Step one.

STEP 10: Do not rush it

Ladies unfortunately Disney has done a great job of creating an image that is not real. Yes I believe in true love and I even believe in love at first sight. But is there a knight in shining amour that is going to scoop you up and ride off into the sunset…absolutely not. Life is not a fairytale. Life has ups and downs that are all important because they make you stronger and make you who you are. I know some women that are just happy to have a “ring” on their finger. Do not coerce a man into being in a relationship with you or marrying you. If he doesn’t want to on his own then guess what he doesn’t want to. I understand that it may be sad for you but either accept it or leave him. The worst thing you can do is rush someone because that could either lead to him resenting you or cheating etc. So to prevent all of that just be patient and focus on being happy and being on the same page until things progress naturally.

Making a relationship work is a matter of trust, patience, and compromise.

Have an amazing weekend,
Ally

Tags: A good man, Compromise, Dating, Men, Relationships, Women

This entry was posted on Friday, November 20th, 2009 at 3:59 pm and is filed under SHE is Uplifting. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.